Monday, December 3, 2007


In an article at The Daily Progress, some guy named James H. Gilmore said:

Q: How does the notion of "real" and "fake" apply to Christmas?

A: If you analyze the [Christmas tree] industry, the folks who grow natural grown trees are actually seeing a 20% decline in sales. They have an association called the National Christmas Tree Association. They do not accept manufacturers of artificial trees. Because of the declining market share, they tried to forestall that. Naturally grown Christmas trees are just fake. They're grown in rows, trimmed, injected with preservatives sometimes and painted green. If they don't like it, they call it fake. If they like it, they call if faux. If you can transition from a perception of a fake to faux, you've rendered authenticity. The opposite of original is imitation. There are two different ways families celebrate Christmas. Some people won't do anything else except stay home and do the same thing. Others ask where they're going to go this year.

What a weirdo. First of all, sales of trees have actually gone up 45% in the past five years. Second of all, because they're grown in rows, that makes them a crop, not fake. I guess corn, grapes and apples are fake too because they're grown in rows. Third, and most bewildering, he thinks trees are injected with a preservative. Huh? I can't even fathom what he thinks that is. This article wins the "????" award so far this year.